Patented Pirate
by Armaysha
Summary: Hermione decides to use her Patented Daydream charm to cheer herself up. This was completed for Romione Smut over at Tumblr. The story originally started as a chapter for Moments, but didn't feel right. It now stands alone as a cheeky slice of 'what if...'


A/N: This was completed for Romione smut over at Tumblr. The story originally started as a chapter for _Moments_, but it just didn't feel right. I thoroughly enjoyed writing it though and hopefully you'll enjoy reading it.

The idea of Hermione using the Patented Daydream charm whilst feeling miserable over Ron and Lavender felt really interesting. I imagine her using it as a way of feeling wanted. I also like the idea of the charm tapping into personal feelings and desires in some way. Pirate Ron was then born.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter and am making no money from writing this. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just having fun with my favourite characters.

o0o

**Patented Pirate by Armaysha**

Lavender Brown was the epitome of everything Hermione hated at this moment in time. Straddled across Ron's lap, the busty blonde looked ridiculously happy. The giggly girl was completely oblivious to every other member of Gryffindor common room as she cuddled and kissed her boyfriend. It was absolutely sickening and Hermione couldn't pull her eyes away.

Here she sat, with an old transfiguration book in her hand, wishing for anything to distract her from the sight of the happy couple. For weeks, Hermione had had to watch and listen to Lavender go on and on about the virtues of Ronald Weasley.

Ronald Weasley; Hermione's ex best friend and love of her life.

She didn't need Lavender fawning on about how funny, kind and sweet Ron was. Hermione already knew all these things. In fact Hermione had known all these things for years. She knew more than anyone what Ron was like.

Well, Hermione used to think she knew more than anyone what Ron was like. Now, Lavender knew so much more than Hermione ever would.

Just as Hermione had dragged her eyes away from the sickening couple, Lavender squealed happily. Hermione looked up to see Ron blowing raspberries onto the bimbo's neck. Hermione shot them daggers just as Ron looked up and caught her eye. Feeling exposed, she jumped up and stomped across the scarlet common room towards her dormitory. At least if Hermione was in the safety of her room, she wouldn't have to watch.

Slamming the door with force, Hermione growled in frustration and flung herself onto her bed. Why did he have to pick Lavender bloody Brown?

Hermione had thought she had made her feelings clear to Ron by asking him to Slughorn's party. Yet he'd thrown it back into her face by shacking up with a stupid blonde bint. Hermione doubted he could have found anyone more different to her. Clearly this was Ron's way of showing he had no feelings for her. There couldn't have been a more painful manner of being rejected.

Hermione felt tears filling her eyes for the millionth time since it had happened. This only made her feel angrier at the entire situation. She was a strong and confident, young woman. Being discarded by her best friend shouldn't have caused her to become such a miserable mess.

Who was she kidding?

Of course she was a miserable mess.

Ronald Weasley was everything to her and she was nothing to him.

Life was so bloody unfair and Hermione was fed up of seeing the pair snogging all over the castle. Why did they have to do it in view of everyone?

Hermione flung her wand onto her bedside table and wiped her watery eyes. The wand veered off the table and clattered onto the floor at the force of her throw. Hermione grumbled under her breath and heaved herself off the bed. She hated Lavender at this moment in time. It was a feeling Hermione never thought she'd experience and she detested herself for it.

Crawling on the floor, Hermione located her precious wand from behind the table. She paused when she felt a small box also hidden amongst the dust. Intrigued, Hermione picked up the object and examined it carefully. The labelling showed it was a Weasley Wizard Wheezes product and Hermione snorted when she realised it was the Patented Daydream charm Fred had given her in the summer. The box showed a handsome youth and a swooning girl on a pirate ship. Hermione rolled her eyes at the silly product and put it on the table with her wand.

Plummeting back onto the bed, Hermione dejectedly sunk into her pillows. Her life had taken a very depressing turn. She loved Harry to bits but he wasn't Ron. Ron was the life and soul of their little group. He made _her _feel alive and she couldn't resist the laughter he brought into her world. Harry was certainly her best friend but Ron was something else. She wanted him in a way she had never wanted anyone else. He made her heart race and body heat up in an entirely sexual manner.

Hermione glanced at the charm thoughtfully. It was an amazing piece of magic. She had said as much to Fred and George. Maybe it could make her feel a bit better. Gingerly picking it back up, Hermione turned it over in her small hands. She wasn't one to dabble in foolish magic such as this. She wasn't normally one to cry over a boy either.

The box showed simple instructions to trigger the charm and promised half an hour of realistic daydreaming. Maybe it could take her mind off Ron and Lavender. Anything was worth a try right about now.

Feeling slightly nervous, Hermione quickly pulled the drapes around her comfy bed and performed a quick Imperturbable charm to keep out any unwanted visitors. She carefully opened the box and pulled out a small, pink bottle contained inside. Hermione pointed her wand and whispered, 'Somnium.'

The bottle glowed a brighter pink and Hermione removed the lid. The instructions had said that once the charm had been performed she had exactly one hour in which to drink the contents of the bottle. This would then activate the daydream. Hermione eyed the bottle carefully. There was no point backing out now. Besides, what was the worst that could happen? A thirty minute daydream certainly seemed better than wallowing in her current unhappy condition.

Downing the charmed drink in one, Hermione shut her eyes and waited for something to happen. Her belly rumbled from the bittersweet taste of the potion but nothing else seemed to take place. Hermione was about to pick the box back up to read the instructions when the bed gave a lurch. Hermione jumped as it swayed dangerously and quickly pulled the curtains back to reveal a glamorous looking room. Hermione gasped as she took in the gorgeous panelled walls and detailed patterned curtains. Expensive furniture dotted around the room with trinkets littering tables and calling for Hermione to explore.

The room gave another dangerous lurch and Hermione gripped the fine post of the bed she had just vacated to stop herself from falling over. Banging and shouting sounded around her, just as a large set of double doors swung open and a very familiar looking person entered. Hermione found her jaw drop as he swept across the room and began pulling pieces of parchment from a grand looking desk.

'I don't believe this!' Hermione fumed, folding her arms and staring at the redhead crossly.

'Ahh you're awake,' Ron said, stopping his search and turning to face her. 'I was beginning to worry about you.'

'Why?' Hermione asked accusingly, 'I only left the common room a few minutes ago.'

'My lady,' Ron replied with a frown, 'we rescued you from the pirate Long-Sock last night. Don't you remember?'

Hermione stared at him as if he'd gone mad. 'Is this some kind of joke?'

'Of course not,' Ron replied, walking towards her. 'You had been kidnapped by the vile beast. I brought you onto my ship when I looted him last night. We are heading back to England as we speak. You'll be back with your family in no time.'

Hermione snorted and crossed her arms. '_This_ is what Fred and George give me; a stupid stereotypical dream about pirates with _you _as the main character.'

'I fear you have bumped your head badly,' Ron said gently, bringing his hand up examine something at the side of Hermione's head.

'Don't touch me,' Hermione snapped, slapping his hands away and making him chuckle.

'You are very brazen,' Ron smiled, 'but I only wish to see your graze. Long-Sock wasn't very amicable when we boarded and unfortunately you got caught up in the fray.'

Hermione tried to push his hand away again and paused when she caught sight of herself in a beautifully carved floor length mirror on the wall opposite.

'What am I wearing?' She exclaimed in shock, pushing past him to take in her outfit. It was like nothing she'd ever owned. A stunning deep blue evening gown clung Hermione's body perfectly. She ran her hands along her upper torso and down the billowing skirts of the dress. If she wasn't mistaken, Hermione was also wearing a corset.

Ron continued to watch her with amusement. 'You came like that.'

Hermione frowned at his reflection in the mirror and then spun round to stare at _his _outfit.

'You're dressed as a pirate,' she gasped.

'Because I am a pirate,' Ron grinned, glancing down at his white shirt, tight black trousers and well worn boots. His sword hung from his waist belt endearingly.

'You are Ron Weasley?' Hermione asked carefully.

'Indeed,' Ron said, continuing to smile, 'although most call me Ron Red-Leg.'

Hermione stared from him to her outfit. 'What sort of daydream is _this_?'

'I don't know about daydream,' Ron replied, moving towards her again, 'I think you've just got a bumped head.'

He gently placed his hand against her forehead again to examine the small graze which resided there. Hermione didn't bother pushing him away and instead tried to process everything that had happened so far. Ron was a pirate and they were aboard a ship. She was dressed up like some defenceless maiden and apparently he was here to save her. Hermione couldn't help roll her eyes at Fred and George's ridiculous charm. The last thing she wanted at this moment was Ron Weasley trying to be her hero.

'You seem distressed,' Ron said, watching her carefully once he'd finished with the mark on her head.

'I don't want to be here with you,' Hermione huffed. 'I want someone else.'

'Believe me,' Ron replied, walking back to his desk to look at the parchments he'd pulled out, 'you don't want any of my crew. They're a loyal bunch but I wouldn't trust them five minutes with a beauty like you.'

Hermione opened her mouth to retort that she could take care of herself, when his words repeated in her mind. He'd called her a beauty. No one had ever called her that.

A knock sounded and Ron called for them to enter. A small man with extremely long hair marched inside, glancing in interest at Hermione.

'No sightings Sir,' the man said to Ron. 'All looks clear.'

'Excellent,' Ron replied, 'we could do with a quiet night after so many raids.'

The man nodded, 'do you need anything or shall I leave you to retire for the evening?'

Ron and the man both glanced at Hermione. She folded her arms, determined to stare back and not be intimidated by them. Ron laughed and turned back to the long haired man.

'Have some food and drink brought up for our guest and then ask Longbottom and Finnigan to complete the first watch. I shall be retiring early for tonight.'

The man grinned at Ron and gave another glance at Hermione, before nodding and quickly exiting the room.

'I don't need your food and drink,' Hermione sniffed, keeping her arms folded. 'You can go to your room now. I don't need you to stay here with me.'

'I am in my room,' Ron laughed, putting the parchment back into the desk and sitting back in a handsome looking chair. 'This is the captain's quarters.'

'Oh,' Hermione replied, scanning the finely decorated room with more interest. 'It's beautiful.'

Ron nodded, continuing to watch her as she examined some of the objects scattered around the room.

'You must be a very successful pirate,' Hermione noted, picking up a pretty sapphire necklace which twinkled seductively.

'I'm the best in all of Europe,' Ron said quietly, 'but I don't do it for the riches.'

'You don't?' Hermione asked, pulling her gaze away from the pendent and delicately putting it back where she had found it.

'I enjoy the freedom the seas offer me,' Ron replied, 'as well as the thrill of adventure. But my main reason for doing this is so that I can take from the rich to give to the poor.'

'Like Robin Hood?' Hermione asked conversationally. 'He stole from the rich to give to the poor as well.'

Another knock sounded and a chubby man with a kind face entered. 'Here you are Sir, a selection of foods for you and the Lady.'

He set the tray of delicious smelling treats on the desk and quickly excused himself, winking at Hermione as he did so.

Ron poured two glasses of wine and offered one to Hermione. She gingerly took it and gave it a sniff.

'It's not poisoned,' Ron smirked.

'I didn't say it was,' Hermione snapped, before taking a tentative sip. She was pleasantly surprised by the sweetness of the drink and took a larger measure.

'Do you want something to eat?' Ron asked with continued amusement.

'Why not?' Hermione muttered with a shrug, taking a seat opposite him. 'I imagine the food is meant to be daydream worthy too.'

She wasn't wrong. Everything tasted mouth wateringly good and Hermione managed to eat a healthy portion of the treats on offer. Ron watched her with interest.

'You enjoy your food,' he said once they had cleared the table. 'Based on your size, I thought you'd be a picky eater.'

Hermione glanced down at herself and felt herself blush. 'I'm not that small'.

'Well you certainly aren't large,' Ron observed as he cleared the trays and put them outside his cabin door for one of his men to clear.

'Or busty,' Hermione muttered quietly, thinking of Lavender.

'Enough for any man to enjoy,' Ron replied, standing behind her chair and smirking. Hermione flushed and quickly stood up in embarrassment. Her reaction caused Ron to laugh harder.

'Can you just leave me alone?' Hermione grumbled, moving back towards the bed and hoping the stupid charm would end soon. She felt as if she'd been here for hours.

'No can do,' Ron replied, following her to the bed. 'This is my room and I'm not giving it up to sleep below deck.'

He sat on the bed and began to pull his boots off.

'So that's it?' Hermione frowned. 'I'm stuck here with you?'

'Not for long, we'll be in England by morning.'

Ron pulled his shirt off to reveal a muscled torso. Hermione couldn't resist having a look and continued to blush when he caught her staring.

'If it pleases you to look,' he grinned as he undid his belt and placed it and the sword onto a chair, 'then look.'

'I'm fine thanks,' Hermione retorted, spinning around so that she was facing the other way.

'You should get yourself ready for bed as well,' Ron called from behind her. 'You'll be really uncomfortable if you don't take the dress off.'

'And what exactly am I supposed to wear?' Hermione replied, turning to face Ron again and gulping at the sight of him in a very thin pair of white pyjama like bottoms. He looked far too handsome.

'I have an old linen shirt,' Ron said, ignoring her obvious interest in his lack of clothing. He walked towards an old oak chest and pulled a cream shirt from it. 'Do you need help undoing the hooks of the dress?'

Hermione nodded, accepting the shirt and turning away from him again. What sort of stupid daydream was this? Why would anyone want to daydream about going to sleep?

Ron gently pushed her curly mane over one shoulder and slowly began to unbutton her lovely gown.

'I never allow beautiful women on this ship,' he muttered against her neck, 'not normally anyway. For some reason I couldn't resist helping you.'

'Well thanks,' Hermione said, unsure of what else to say. His closeness was causing all manner of fuzzy feelings inside her.

'Women generally mean trouble for ships,' Ron noted, grazing a large hand against Hermione's newly exposed neck. 'You seem different though. I have a good feeling about you.'

'Y-you do?' Hermione asked as Ron lightly pushed her dress over her shoulders and down her body. They heavy garment fell to the floor and Hermione shivered as the cold air hit her naked skin.

'Yes,' Ron breathed behind her, rubbing both his hands up her arms carefully. 'Should I undo the corset?'

Hermione glanced at the fine laced undergarment and weighed her options. Did she say no and pull the shirt over her head and quickly jump into bed? Or did she let the daydream charm run its course and go with whatever was now unfolding between herself and Pirate Ron?

Ron seemed to sense Hermione's hesitation because he placed a soft kiss on her shoulder. Hermione didn't need any further persuasion. She couldn't have real Ron but she could snog the living daylights out of this Ron.

'You can undo it,' Hermione mumbled, taking a shaky breath.

Ron effortlessly unclipped the item and it fell to the floor with the dress. Hermione stood naked except for a fancy pair of knickers, a pair of stockings and a pair of pretty shoes.

Ron moaned from behind her, causing Hermione to glance shyly up at him.

'You're perfect,' he whispered, leaning down to plant a soft kiss upon her lips.

Hermione sighed against him as she felt his wondrous lips for the first time. Ron took the sigh as an invitation to explore her. He ran a large hand up her belly and cupped one of her breasts. Hermione moaned as the sensation of being adored by Ron Weasley finally seemed to be happening.

He guided them towards the bed and they fell gently into the soft sheets. Hermione kicked her shoes off as Ron began to attack her neck and chest with hot kisses. Hermione laughed nervously as Ron gave her an irresistible smile and swooped down to claim her lips. He was strong and insistent and she loved it. Their tongues slid against each other in a dizzying dance for control.

Hermione gripped his muscled back and adjusted against him. Ron fit perfectly between her legs and seemed to know exactly what to do to make her head spin. He grinded against her in the most arousing manner, all the while running searching hands up and down her body. Hermione felt her pulse rise as Ron took one of her hardened nipples into his mouth.

'Do you like that?' Ron asked, moving to capture the other.

'Y-yes,' Hermione stammered, arching into him.

'You're so beautiful,' he mumbled against her soft skin.

Hermione closed her eyes happily and allowed Ron to explore her chest with wet kisses. She giggled when he started to make his way down to her stomach and couldn't resist threading her hands through his thick, red head of hair. He paused when he reached the edge of her knickers and ran a loving hand along them and down towards her legs.

'I think we need to take these delightful little stockings off your delightful little legs,' Ron said seriously as Hermione opened her eyes and smiled.

She playfully lifted her legs so that he had complete access to the undergarments. Ron grinned up at Hermione as her legs surrounded his face. He quickly pulled each stocking off and threw them onto the floor. Ron then gripped her toned legs and gently massaged them with admiration. He placed even more kisses on the exposed skin surrounding him and playfully bit the inside of her left leg, making Hermione moan in delight. She didn't care that this was a daydream, every touch felt meaningful and perfect.

Hermione watched Ron lavish her skin and couldn't help thinking this was the most erotic thing she'd ever seen, done or heard of. He was made to do this to her, Hermione was sure of it. This was only reinforced when Ron brushed his hand against her most private area and she bucked with an intense desire.

'Should I continue?' Ron asked in a strangely husky voice. Hermione didn't hesitate to nod and sighed happily as Ron's long fingers slipped under her knickers and lightly kneaded her. She felt her eyes roll back as one of his fingers found its way inside her. She couldn't stop the deep moan from erupting and pushed desperately against him. Ron seemed to know exactly what to do as he expertly touched her. The room hummed with a sexual energy and Hermione felt a heat settle inside her. Every touch elicited a powerful vibration within her. Every stroke caused an inferno to rage upon her skin. She wanted more. She needed more.

Ron dutifully pulled her knickers down as Hermione continued to arch against his magical fingers. In one swift motion Ron successfully removed her last piece of clothing and didn't waste a second. His mouth found her newly exposed area and energetically tasted her as if she were a succulent dessert. Hermione gripped the top of his head and bucked instinctively. His tongue worshipped her with long, hard caresses. She pushed against him and gripped his head demandingly. Lavender may have the real Ron but this Ron was hers. This Ron was giving her the release she needed. This Ron was showing Hermione that he did want her.

She gasped as his fingers found her again. The sensation of Ron's mouth and hand fighting for dominance made her hum erotically. Her own hand found her right breast and gripped hard. Ron seemed to like the sight of her touching herself because he paused to watch her. Then, without warning, he plunged deeper inside her and matched her bucking with renewed vigour. Before Hermione knew what was happening, a coil seemed to unwind within her. Hermione felt Ron grin against her, planting a final loving kiss, as she reached her orgasm with heavenly heights.

She panted heavily as she slowly came back down. Ron pulled himself up and hovered above her with the biggest smile on his face.

'You're perfect,' he whispered, kissing her confidently. Hermione could taste herself on his lips and felt ridiculously turned on.

'Thank you,' she mumbled against his lips.

Ron nuzzled against her nakedness, 'stay with me.'

Hermione laughed, allowing her sweaty body to cover his as she cuddled him. He ran his fingers through her wild curls and they both sighed. The soothing sensation and the act of cumming hard made Hermione yawn contently.

'I'd like to stay with you,' she admitted sleepily. The room began to darken and she felt herself fall into nothingness. She squeezed her eyes shut and held firmly onto Ron's warm body. The strange swaying sensation she had become used to had stopped abruptly and Hermione knew that the daydream charm was over. She had to admit; it had been utterly mind blowing.

She opened her eyes to find she was on her own bed, in Gryffindor dormitory, with the drapes drawn. Hermione glanced down at her still tingling body to find it in her normal school uniform. Her wand was sat beside her, along with the daydream charm box and now empty bottle. Hermione sighed sadly and sat up gingerly. Her thirty minute daydream was over and she was back to the reality of Hogwarts.

Hermione removed the Imperturbable charm from around her bed and pulled back her curtains. She yelped when she saw Parvati sitting across from her.

'Harry was looking for you,' she said, looking up from a magazine she'd been reading.

Hermione nodded, feeling a blush heat her cheeks and quickly made her way out of the room. She hoped her Imperturbable had blocked out any sounds she'd made during the dream. Hermione had been quite vocal.

Distracted from thoughts of being found out, Hermione walked straight into someone as she entered the common room.

'Sorry,' she muttered, looking up at the solid figure she'd hit. Her mouth fell up and her face burned with shame. Of all the people to walk into it had to be him.

'Don't worry about it Hermione,' Ron replied, as she stood like a rabbit caught in headlights. 'Are you alright? You look really flushed.'

'F-fine,' Hermione stammered, as Ron gazed at her with concern. Flashes of skin clouded her vision and she tried to look away from him. 'H-have you seen Harry?'

'He's gone up to bed,' Ron replied with a frown. 'Hermione, are you sure you're okay?'

Hermione nodded, only to freeze as Ron brought his hand up to cover her forehead in exactly the same manner as Pirate Ron had.

'You are really hot,' he said, examining her carefully.

Hermione's eyes fluttered shut at his gentle touch. He felt _exactly _like Pirate Ron; from his tender but insistent touch, to his intoxicating earthy smell. She was positive he'd be able to do everything Pirate Ron had been able to do. The thought made her sway slightly.

'Hermione?' He whispered, sounding worried.

'I'm fine,' Hermione repeated, opening her eyes to look at him. 'Do I really look that bad?'

'No,' Ron muttered, dropping his hand, 'you're perfect.'

Hermione held his gaze and he smiled weakly. Pirate Ron had said that too.

'If you're sure you are okay?' He asked, putting his hands in his pockets.

'I feel relieved,' Hermione replied truthfully, biting her lip, 'for now at least.'

Ron looked puzzled but nodded anyway, 'good night then.'

He quickly disappeared up the boy's staircase, leaving Hermione to her thoughts.

'Night Ron Red-Leg,' she whispered, feeling a girlish giggle escape her lips. She didn't have Ron in the real world, but at least Hermione could say she had him in her dreams.

The next time Hermione saw Fred and George, she was going to order every Patented Daydream charm available.

o0o

*For anyone interested Somnium is Latin for:Dream, fancy, daydream, foolishness and nonsense.


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